Two Lines

Two Lines... that will change the rest of our lives.

Today is a day that we'll remember forever!

Many of you don't know about the journey that began 2 years ago. But it has been a journey filled with lots of emotions and uncertainty. Through it all one thing is certain and that is my faith in Our Lord has and will be changed forever.

December 2008, Chris and I decided we wanted to start a family and thought that now was a great time. No one ever really prepares you for what might or might not happen. Well in our case it was the might NOT happen that occurred. After 6 months of trying and no results we opted to try some ovulation sticks, maybe we just needed someone to spell it out for us. Well another 6 months go by and still and still nothing.

It was at this point that I approached my doctor to figure out what we could do. I left that appointment feeling so overwhelmed and had my hands full of every possible fertility test know to man. I cried a little thinking that I never imagined this would be my life. I must preface that by saying that I love my life and I am married to an amazingly caring and loving man. I also know that if this is the life that God has planned for me then I know his plan is better than mine. But I still couldn't get over the feeling of never having a child of my own.

So I decided to take baby steps and learn all I could about these tests and about my body. I started with the simple lab tests first, which all came back normal. Then I decided it might be a good idea to take a closer look inside, so in January 2010 I had a HSG scan (hysterosalpingogram). This is a test that looks at the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes to check for blockage or anything else. And once again everything came back normal. At this point some might be thinking oh great nothing is wrong, but I was thinking why can't they just find something to fix so I wouldn't have to keep guessing.

By mid June 2010, we had determined that both Chris and I had nothing wrong with us and our tests were ALL normal. So what next?

I gave up trying for awhile and even began to feel myself pulling away from God. My heart just couldn't handle the disappointment and I felt like God wasn't hearing my pain. It took a long conversation with a good friend from church who reminded me that God wasn't punishing me. Instead he was building me up so that one day I could tell my story to someone else who might be struggling with infertility and give them hope and faith that God does hear our prayers. I continued to experience many long months filled with anticipation on the 28th day and then feeling let down. One day I fell to my knees and I cried out to God, I prayed that he would answer this one great desire of my heart. The emotions that I felt on many days were so heavy that all I could do was go for a run. Something I learned a long time ago is that you can cry at the gym and the people around you just think you're working out really hard and sweating a lot. It would help me clear my head but my heart was always still heavy.

Even though I felt alone and sad I knew I was never alone, because God was always with me. He would offer up distractions and other challenges for me and through it all I found the courage to be honest and share my story. Some of my closest friends never even knew we were struggling with infertility and many shared their struggles to conceive. I stepped out of the dark and was finally being honest with myself.

In December 2010 (two years after this journey began) I decided to have surgery. My doctor had recommended it to rule out endometreosis. So after much thought and prayer I decided to go under the knife with hopes of finding something to "fix". Well two areas of endometreosis were removed but with no guaranteed that this would be the answer to our prayers.

Until this month..... WE'RE PREGNANT!!!

You have no idea how just saying those words makes me smile

and brings tears to my eyes all at the same time.

As day 28 grew closer this month I didn't seem to think anything different than the many other months of trying. Even when day 29 came and passed I couldn't seem to get my mind around anything being wrong, I thought maybe it was stress or the surgery threw off my cycle. But I refused to get my hopes up. So on day 30, I finally decided to take a test. Let me first say waiting two minutes for the results is a long time!! And I thought my heart was going to pop out of my chest when I saw two lines, I almost had to pinch myself. I sat there for a second and then I ran downstairs.

Looking Chris in the eyes I asked him "What are we doing in October?"

He said, "I don't know, why?"
I screamed "WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!"

It was a moment I will never forget and I was a ball of emotions. But the first thing we did right then and there was sit down and gave thanks to God for this amazing blessing. I wouldn't have done it any other way! It is truly because of him that this is possible. I know that our journey has been long and hard and it is just now beginning we still have so many more obstacles to overcome. But one thing is for sure and that is that our God is an amazing God! Just when you think you can't do it anymore and you feel so alone he will pick you up and carry you in his arms.