Baby Anxiety

Ok so you're probably thinking you must be crazy... anxiety now. Well let me explain.

We began this baby journey 2 years ago and every month has been filled with so many expectations and so many "what ifs". So when the test finally said POSITIVE I was ecstatic and overjoyed. And then this week the worry set in... what if we loss the baby, what if something happens and the baby stops developing, what if I do something wrong. I began to over think things and "freak out". I even called my doctor and asked to have my HCG levels drawn. (The hormone human chronic gonadotropin which is produced during pregnancy. It is made by cells that form the placenta, which nourishes the egg after it has been fertilized and becomes attached to the uterine wall. It continues to rapidly multiple during the first trimester)

I truly believe that my medical knowledge helps me but also hinders me. I know too much and can work the system to get the answers that I desire but it also makes me over think everything. So after the first HCG came back normal a few days later I asked to have them repeated to confirm that they were multiplying and that our little baby was continuing to grow. It was at this point that some of those closest to me that knew told me to let go of the control. God had blessed us with this child and now I was trying to control everything. I needed to let go and let God be in control. But for so long I have spent every month anticipating a positive pregnancy test and now finally to have one I feared the worst, that I would lose it. Every month ended with a huge let down and now that we are so happy I can't help but think or anticipate the let down is still to come.

I woke up Thursday morning feeling a sense of peace and knowing that this baby was planned by God and protected with prayer that I need not worry. And I have carried that peace ever since. Many women in my life have left me messages or sent me texts helping me stay positive and sending me scriptures of inspiration. I feel so blessed to be pregnant and know that this baby is already taken care of by God.