Thoughts this week

When I started writing this post I wasn't sure what I would say. Do I tell you that I LOVE being pregnant and feeling our little girl kick makes me smile and remember the blessing that is growing in my womb. It is amazing how much I love this little girl and I am really going to miss those kicks. Or do I tell you how overwhelmed and stressed I feel that she will be here in 8 weeks!!

So much has happened since I started this blog, many amazing things and some sad things too. We took a leap of faith and decided to rent our condo and saying goodbye was tough to do. But I felt better about the decision when I thought about the house we would be bringing our baby home to. As we searched for a home, we made a few offers and had a few heartbreaks. Well now we're in contract and I would shout for joy because we love the house!! But the unfortunate part is that the house is a short sale, well there is nothing short about a short sale and the reality set in for us this last weekend. The reality being that we're running out of time before Carmella arrives and I go on maternity leave. And we just found out that maternity leave to a loan officer means no verification of a job. As a result the house we had been dreaming of and hoping to bring our daughter home to isn't this one. And the true reality is we will be staying with grandma for another 6 months, not what I expected. Don't get me wrong I knew this was an option but it was never something that I truly considered. As of right now I am feeling a bit defeated and sad and the only things that makes me smile is our little girl and my loving husband. Every once and awhile I feel those little kicks and it reminds me that everything will be worth it in the end. I mean who really remembers where they came home from the hospital or what their nursery looked like, I know I don't. The only thing that really matters is that she is loved by her mom and dad and that her little needs are met. Six months from now I will look  back and think this was all worth it but for now I am pretty distraught.

Oh did I mention I have been studying for the CCRN (Critical Care Nursing Certificate) for the past 6 weeks. I know you're thinking I must be crazy and truthfully so am I. Well I have always wanted to be CCRN certified and I told myself I would do it before I became a mom and there is no time like the present. So in addition to being pregnant, living with grandma and adjusting to this new life; I have been studying. Doesn't research show that pregnant women give up some of their brain cells to the baby, then what am I doing!! Sadly I have to admit I sat for the exam on Monday and didn't pass by 8 points. I know I could just scream or better yet cry. Well I have been doing that for a whole day now and there is not much left to cry out. So it is back to studying for me and trying to figure out how to prepare for baby Carmella. Hmm I wonder what kind of changing table we can come up with or where will all her clothes go? Big questions with answers I am not too sure about.

I have to keep reminding myself that all that doesn't really matter what matters is that we love each other and we'll be able to provide for our daughter. We know that this is all part of God's plan and his timing is not my timing. Cause if that were the case we would've had this baby 2 years ago. I need to remove the expectations from my life and focus on what is right in front of me. I love my little life and I am so excited to show Carmella just how much she is loved. I think this is my first taste on the things you will sacrifice for your kids.